My Special Star
by Mischel
Summary: My own collection of random drabbles, very short oneshots and poems :) #7 - Merlin and Arthur are spending a beautiful summer afternoon in the forest. But Merlin looks sad. What could Arthur do to cheer up his lover? Merthur :) And finally something happy ;)
1. My Special Star

**This is a drabble. I hope this will be a collection of random drabbles one day, but I have only one right now. So when I will have some other short ideas for a drabble I will surely write it and put it here :) And I'm not native speaker, so I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes that you could find here.**

**This one was just a small idea that crossed my mind when I was going home and looked up to the sky and saw one little star. I don't know why, but it somehow reminded me Arthur, so I decided to write something for it...  
****Enjoy :)**

**Summary: Merlin is still waiting for Arthur to return. But what does he do when his hope dies and he can't bear live without his friend anymore? What makes him to believe again?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, not even a star...**

**Story: My Special Star  
****By: Mischel**

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All these years. All these centuries. He was waiting for him. So many lifes and so many deaths. But he still kept waiting. For him. For his friend. Because he was worth it.

Every night, when he wasn't sure of his journey. Every night when he was crying for him and felt alone. Every night when he almost lost the hope, he looked up to the sky at one star, his special star, and his hope was back again. He didn't doubt anymore.

Because he knew, deep in heart he knew that his friend's destiny will fulfill. That his friend and his only king will rise again.

But he never really knew that his special star, he liked to pretend was his friend's star, was really him. He never really knew, this star, was his king.

Arthur.

King, that was silently looking on his friend guardian from the sky and was guarding him himself. And the time to fall back into his friend's arms, was soon about to come.

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**Ok, that's it :) Hope you liked this one little idea :)**


	2. I Wish I Could

**Ok, here's my second drabble. It's a bit sad and after Arthur's death again. So I hope you all will like it and remember Arthur :)**

**Summary: Arthur is dead. But even when he is, there are still some things he would want to do. Some things he wishes he could have done before he died.**

**Story: I wish I could**  
**By: Mischel**

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I want to hug you. I want to comfort you. Wipe away your tears and tell you how much you mean to me. That you don't have to be afraid anymore. That I'm here for you and won't ever let you alone. That you will always have me by your side, in your heart. I hear you crying for me every night. I hear you saying you can't stand the distance, that you can't dream alone and that you want me back. I see you when you blame yourself. I wish I could tell you not to. I wish I could thank you again for everything you have done for me. That you have always been my best friend and always will be. I want to hug you, and never let you go.

But I cannot.

I am dead.

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**This is a bit inspired by a song: Bryan Adams-I Will Always Return from a movie Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron. Just listen to it, it's really awesome and it fits in Merlin completely :D**


	3. No Longer Alone

**Ok, seems I'm today in a super writing mood :D So here's another chapter to this collection, this time a poem. Hihi, my collection's growing up :D And to you who reads my other story 'Body Change', don't worry, I didn't stop writing. But another chapter is still in progress :)**

**So enjoy this little poem. Hope it fits in Merlin and Arthur bromance. I'm just not sure which POV is it. Maybe it could be Arthur's, but even Merlin's. So it's up to you which POV you choose :)**

**Once again, enjoy!**

**Poem: No Longer Alone  
By: Mischel**

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When I feel alone,  
When I lose the hope,  
He's always here for me,  
showing me what's home.

When I look up at him,  
tears in eyes,  
He knows I feel lost,  
But his own eyes are wise.

Then when he smiles at me,  
I smile in return,  
His smile's wide as a sea,  
And what did I learn?

He is always here,  
and always will be,  
His smile somehow,  
always comforts me.

Then he hugs me,  
And I feel better,  
Finally I am free,  
And what does now matter?

I love him as brother,  
And I know he does too,  
There won't be another,  
Our bond's always true.

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**So that's it. Hope you like it. At least it isn't so sad as the two previous drabbles, is it? :D**


	4. Of Love and Pain

**Another short drabble in this collection. But probably about nothing. Well, just about four words in fact. And a bit of strange babbling... Hope you will still like it :) At least a bit...**

**Story: Of Love and Pain  
By: Mischel**

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Smile.

Smile that always made me feel better. Smile that I will miss so much when you will be gone. Smile that I can't live without. Maybe you'd give me your smile in return for what have I done for you. For all I have suffered. But I don't think so. Not ever again.

Love.

Love that we shared so many years still dwells in my mind and won't ever disappear. The love for you, my older brother I never had. A love that I will miss so much too. Love that no one can ever have so strong as we had. Still have. And always will.

Tears.

Tears that I saw in your eyes so many times. When something was bothering you. When you felt lost and didn't know where you truly belong. Tears that are now streaming down my cheeks and falling onto your unmoving face. A face that will never move again. A face I will cry whole nights for, with a wish to see it again.  
Your face.

Pain.

That pain I feel in my heart is killing me. I have never felt such a pain, not ever before. And I won't for anyone feel the same as I did for you. The pain is eating me inside and I can't stop it. The pain that will haunt me in dreams for the rest of my life. Because the bond and friendship we had, still have, is special. Nothing is going to be so strong ever again. And I won't leave you. I will remember you.

And I will miss you.

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**Ok, I feel it's a bit longer than a drabble, isn't it? Well, if drabble is supposed to have about 100 words. I think we could call it something between drabble and very short one-shot. Drabshot, perhaps? That isn't even a word, is it? :D Ok, I'm a bit rambling here again. A complete nonsence!**

**But back to what have I written above: did you guys like it? At least a bit? I think it's obvious it was in Merlin's POV, and from 5x13 The Diamond of the Day Part 2. It's too sad again, isn't it? I should really think of writing something more cheerful...**

**But that's all I have now, so once again, I hope you liked it!**

**Bye! :)**


	5. Born with Magic

**Here's my another drabble... or rather really, really, really short one-shot, from Merlin's POV again :)**

**Story: Born with Magic  
By: Mischel**

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I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before. But I didn't want to lose our friendship. And I didn't want to put you into the situation when you'll have to decide between your friend and the laws against magic. I have done so much for you. Suffered so much. I've lost my best friend from childhood, my only love, almost Gaius and my mother... and I wouldn't bear to lose _you_ - my best friend, older brother, and my other half that makes me whole - too. I can just hope you'd understand. That maybe you'll see how much I care about you. And that I would never be able to hurt you.

But I was born with my magic. As the only one. I thought I was a monster. I thought I was anything, but a human. I didn't trust myself... until you entered my life and I entered yours.

I don't have magic. I _am_ magic. It's the very me, my whole person, soul, my core. It's flowing in my veins. It's like breathing. I can't help myself. I hope you understand. I wish you'd know how it feels to feel it in your body. I hope you'll forgive me.

I'm sorry...

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**Hope you like it :)**


	6. I'm Sorry

**And another :) - Merlin's POV**

**Warning: Suicide - so if you don't want to cry or be sad, don't read this, just go and find some happy fanfiction. Though I think I'm not that good to make you all cry... :(**

**Story: I'm sorry**  
**By: Mischel**

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I feel that my heart starts to pound faster than before. Arthur doesn't know yet, but I know what it is. I couldn't bear it anymore. To look into his eyes everyday, knowing I'm nothing more but a liar. Knowing that I'm lying to _him_.

Slowly I feel my legs and arms, starting to tremble. And this time, Arthur looks up from his papers on his table to look at me, if I'm alright. If I am alright as I always claim myself to be. But not this time. Not ever more.

His blue eyes wide when he sees me. I know I am pale and that I'm falling on the cold stone floor, I used to clean so many times in my short life. A life that was short, yet it felt like centuries of lying and denying of what I truly am. Centuries of hiding and lying to my best friend. But that will end soon. I won't feel the guilt, stabbing my heart every time I see him. Everytime he shares something with me, thinking I'm honest too. But only I know that I am not.

I'm lying on the floor, and suddenly I feel someone lifts me and asks what is happening. But I cannot answer. I'm too weak. I feel Arthur hugging me tight and shaking my shoulders to keep me awake. But he won't succeed. It's already too late. I _am_ dying. And there is nothing he could do. Just hold me tight and show me how close friends we were. Show me that I didn't have to go. That I didn't have to leave him there alone...

But I had to.

I hear him calling my name in between his sobs. I know he wishes me to live. I know he wishes to see my face with that stupid grin of mine, calling for him to wake up. I know that in this moment he wishes this most of all. But his wish won't be fulfill.

Something wet's dripping on my cheeks and I slowly look up to see Arthur's blurred face, crying for me. Crying for someone who will be just a motionless body in the next few minutes. And maybe, when I try to focus on myself for the last time, I know I'm crying too. My cheeks are wet by tears of me - a servant, hidden sorcerer and the best friend of the Once and the Future King - and tears of Arthur. And maybe on the fraction of a second I think I was wrong. That maybe it wasn't the time yet. That maybe, I could stay a little longer and that I really didn't have to go.

But the thought is fading away, as my soul slowly is as well. And in the last second of my false life full of lying, in the last breath that holds me up before I fall into the sweet world of darkness, unconsciousness and death, I hear myself whisper:

"I'm sorry..."

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**Ok, I admit it - I was crying while writing this. Am I totally stupid? I thought I could finally write something happy and maybe even humorous, but no, I just had to write something even more horrible than all the previous ones, had I?**

**Hm, seems the last two drabbles end with the same sentence :D It proves, I think, how sad stories I write now... So that sentence again for you all, that were sad and didn't want to be: I'm sorry...**


	7. Summer Smile

**I'm back with another short idea. It's not sad this time ;) It's based on a conversation Arthur had with Gwen in 4x01, but it's between Arthur and Merlin. So yes, it's Merthur :)**

**Story: Summer Smile  
****By: Mischel**

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It was summer. One of those days, when all of what you want to do is just to lay somewhere comfortable and relax. To let the sun shine at you and swim in a lake while you're listening the birds singing. Or a day, that you want to spend with your lover. And that is exactly what Arthur did.

It was a warm day, birds were singing cheerfully and flying high in the trees, and Arthur was sitting in the soft green grass, leaning against a tree, with Merlin's head lying in his lap. A small, silent river was flowing a few feet next to them. It was glistening in the warm gold sun, and when Arthur was watching it, it somehow made his heart to melt and he felt happy.

But when he looked down at his raven haired lover, it didn't seem he felt the same way as Arthur did. He was frowning and silently playing with his fingers, lifted in the air. If Arthur knew what was Merlin thinking about, he'd probably tell him not to worry. but Arthur could just wonder what was going on in his servant's mind.

Merlin was remembering all his friends, he had lost, during the past few years in Camelot. And he was blaming himself for their deaths. He missed them all and realizing that he was the one who caused the end of all of them, made it all worse. He wasn't smiling anymore, and he stopped enjoying his and Arthur's afternoon, in the forest. And that made Arthur even more worried of his lover's mood.

"Smile, Merlin." Arthur said and stroked gently Merlin's cheek with his fingers. But Merlin's expression didn't change.

"I can't..." was the only silent answer Arthur got. But he wanted to cheer Merlin up, and he wasn't done yet. He mused a bit and then smiled.

"Do you remember the first time I kissed you?" He asked and this time succeeded. Because on Merlin's face appeared a beautiful smile, quickly following by a bit red cheeks. Merlin looked up at Arthur, his blue eyes sparkling again. And all Arthur could do in that moment was just to lean down and join his and his lover's soft lips into one beautiful, long and passionate kiss, full of love and luck to be there with him.

And that was all Merlin needed to get back into his cheerful self and enjoy the rest of this beautiful day with his king and lover, Arthur.

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**Hope you all were smiling while reading this! :D**


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